I know that I'm not the only out there that has been through this experience of waiting (for answers, information, the next step) but this time it feels different. Is it different because I've been through this before but circumstances were totally different? I'm waiting for the results to a medical test that I last had done in 1993 but I was 16 years younger, lived in a totally different place and wasn't working full-time. I just want to know what is going to happen next so that I can start planning on how this is going to fit into my life. It really has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride emotionally and over the past few days I've just been spent. Yet I know that God's timing is best and He's been reminding me of all of that through blogs and emails that I have read over the past couple of days- even responses to FaceBook posts. God is in control and He is very good - I know it, I just need a little reminding now and again.
The Beach
It's late and I am tired (but tired in a good way). I made it through what in the past has been a long month of Sundays for me but this year it went swimmingly =) There were no major overriding events to create major waves and I felt able to handle things on my own. No almost drowning events where I could be found failing my arms in 3 feet of water and overreacting to things out of my control. No panicked phone calls to the lifeguard because I saw someone drowning. The people at the beach with me were the best people I could invite to the party- that definitely helped. I feel like I'm a different person then I was in the previous summers- more mature (yes I even at my age there is some maturing to do). Those things help- they do- but in the end I think that letting God be in charge (He was the one who created the beach in the first place) was the best decision I could have made.
Why "Questions Unanswered Are Fine With Me"?
Okay- I said I wouldn't do this (I should have listened to my Nana when she said "never say never") but here I am starting a blog. On a side note if I get a "crackberry" shoot me- "crackberries" aren't the only toy on the block- I'm waiting for Verizon to get the iPhone- I can be patient on this one. Anyway...when trying to come up with a name for this latest venture I thought about how people will say "God will answer that when we get to heaven" to which my immediate response (usually nonverbal) is "when we get to heaven we won't care". Yes, life has its painful moments and we all have uttered the phrase "why God?", in anguish, at some point. I've certainly done it and have wondered it for friends too. When we get to heaven we will be so blinded by and so focused on God and His glory we won't really care "why" anymore. Please understand that I am not trying to diminish the trials that people go through in this lifetime - I know and have known pain and know people who know and have known pain. I look at it this way- these things in life that I have been and am going through make me who I am - better yet, who God wants me to be. So as I begin this online journal - for no other purpose than I need someplace to express myself - I try and find peace in the fact that I may never know.
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